& at this point I'm lacking motivation & concentration...

Feeling more down than up..

more low than high.....

more defeated than victorious...

and if anything more discouraged than ENcouraged...

.......i'm just TIRED!

I just need a break from school, from home, from the future....

......I kinda lost track of what I'm doing it for!

Is it for me? or Is it because this is what your "SUPPOSED" to do?

....ughh! I really just wanna give up..but I'm MORE afraid of failure than I am of REALITY!

--xoxo tash!

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. -Eleanor Roosevelt

*UPDATE*

theres a VIDEO to my song, GRENADE by Bruno Mars....

--xoxo Tash!

LOVEEEE!!!!!

"Before they EVER checked you out, I ALREADY bagged you."

PLEASE GET HER MIXTAPE...heres the link:

https://files.me.com/lostastudios/qalrsh

--xoxo Tash!

--xoxo Tash!

RANDOMness

OMG,

so I'm up watching this movie called 'The Clique" and its JUST like MEAN GIRLS...the younger version mixed with 'The Devil Wears Prada'....lol, To cute!

GO WATCH IT!!!

:)

--xoxo Tash!

TO DIE FOR::

--xoxo Tash!

Life Update....

--ok sooo, Last Week I got the opportunity to attend the Soul Train Awards :) and It was the BEST experience of my life (thus far)....I LOVED every bit of it...To be conversing with people like SWV, Jazzy Phae, Free, Steven Hill, Mr. Bentley, Atlantic Records Execs, even getting the time to be acquainted with Deborah Lee and ANita Baker...AWESOME experience.

LOOK FOR ME WHEN THEY AIR THE SHOW ;)

....it just made me become even MORE focused on what I want to be when I get older, AMEN!

--Last Week I also saw 'For Colored Girls...' and to my surprise it was EXACTLY like the original production I wrote about in my previous post--it was really nice, even tho I knew the movie AND the words to the poems...smh lol What a dork. But Nevertheless, it was great!

--xoxo Tash!

*FAINTS* :) :)

L O Y A L T Y..

...OK, SERIOUSLY!

I REALLY REALLY need to vent about this word 'Loyalty'..EVERYone says it and has it tatted but NO ONE is using it as a VERB!

To say your loyal, TO ME--is irrelevant UNTIL you SHOW me that your Loyal.. you know like a VERB...its something you DO!

Yes, its true that everyone has their own meaning for the word BUT i felt it was time I spoke about MY meaning:::: LOYALTY, in MY life--is to be completely honesty with me, back me up at ALL times, tell me when I'm wrong [but only AFTER the confrontation with the other person is OVER...while its going on HAVE MY BACK, REGARDLESS]...just little shit like that.

I don't give-a-damn if I STARTED the situation and I was WRONG as hell about everything I was arguing about...as MY friend BACK me up at the moment--then after its over tell me "Tasha you know you was wrong as hell right?" Lol, I'll understand...but still Have your friends' back no matter what, ya know?!

Call me selfish, stingy, territorial...WHATEVER! But I feel like as a friend especially to ME, you shouldn't be so 'close' or 'buddy buddy' with someone that I [as your friend] don't like/ get along with. I've always been the type of person to STOP liking or talking to a person if they screwed my friend(s) over--I have no reason to talk to you if the people I care about don't talk to you, if that makes sense?!

.........hmmm guess they don't make them like me nomore. Or Maybe I'm a bit extra, hell either way...that's just how I am.

Your NOT loyal in my eyes, thats the most DISloyal thing EVER.....

I really take it seriously because I know how it feels to have no one in your corner--so when I/you find good friends and they leave you in the dust....DON'T F**K with them. If I'm loyal to you then be loyal to me....if you can't do that then we're NOT gonna be friends...PERIOD!

Kinda brings me to this Wiz Khalifa situation:: outta ALL the people on the tour bus NO ONE coulda took the charge for him, NO ONE?? I don't get it! If he's the one in your crew putting yall on the map, NATION WIDE and making all the money...WHY would you want to put him in a situation where he could get OVER a year in jail??..smh NIGGAS AINT LOYAL now-a-days. That has GOT to be the most DISloyal thing ever...I'm sure he's MORE than likely breaking them off after he gets his show checks....and they let this man take a charge...SMDH!

........idk, maybe its just me..

....[TO BE CONTINUED]

--xoxo Tash!

"Difficulties are meant to stir you up, NOT to discourage you. Every single thing happens for some kind of reason, and regardless of how bad it is you have to know your blessing is STILL on its way. Don't judge your day by the bad things that happen to you, but by the good things you accomplish. Thank God you're alive and I know it'll be hard but try to turn today into a good day! Somebody loves you much Tash! Don't worry, be happy!!" -MY wonderful friend, Ricardo Valentine

--xoxo Tash!

i've been there...

...we've all been there, he just makes it sound so good...

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BRUNO MARS...AND THIS SONG :)

....its sad; but in life, people tend to take you for granted never considering YOUR love for them...the weird thing is once you finally notice that you've been used--you STILL use every piece of your heart to defend that very same person who hurt you, even knowing they may not be willing to do the same for you...LIFE LESSONS.

--xoxo Tash!

--xoxo Tash!

i'm late but she KILLED it...

--xoxo tash!

"I wanna take your misery, replace it with happiness; But I NEED your Faith in ME....I'm a sucka for Love..."-pac

...Imma Sucka for Love

--xoxo Tash!

I'm DEEPPP in my Feelings right now....

TUPAC kinda MOOD...

.....ALL NIGHT!!

THINK I'LL FALL ASLEEP TO IT..

..one of my FAV songs by him, Gets NO real[ER]:

--xoxo Tash!

"...Keep yo head up nigga, make these muhfuckas SUFFER.."-pac

DAMN...

I just sat here & thought about my past relationships.....the old guys I used to be crazy about & I actually started crying while this Big Sean 'Love Song' was playing.

Its REALLY crazy to look back and see how far I've come with this whole boy thing--but then its interesting to see how long I've been at a stand still....Its like 1 day I'm the HAPPIEST person ever, the next I'm The most unhappy person---why?? I just can't put my finger on whats missing or whats here that shouldnt be....WEIRDDD!!!

--xoxo Tash!

...Deeper than Rap, to me...#MYLIFE

"..and I WAS gonna write you a LOVE song; but you screwed it all up...."

--xoxo Tash!

--xoxo Tash!

Letter to my friends...

'.....I APPRECIATE the help, BUT...I just gotta KNOW for MYSELF!'

--xoxo Tash!

"How did I end up...Right Here....with YOU?????"

I just CRIED MY EYES OUT after hanging up the phone with my Grandmother....

She is my HEART! I LOVE that lady--just the sound of her voice makes me emotional, it makes me forget all the other reasons I have to be sad. SHE is the BEST person EVER!

.....I MISS HER SO MUCH! SO SO MUCH....!!

[[Maybe, I'm crying even more because of the dream I had the other night about her....Thank GOD, it was JUST a bad dream!!!!..]]

I just wish I could hug herrrr & kiss her fat cheeks :( :(

--xoxo Tash!

MUST READ....& watch!

I was just thinking...

While I was at Clemson, I took an African American theater class and we read the play...

'FOR COLORED GIRLS WHO HAVE CONSIDERED SUICIDE WHEN THE RAINBOW IS ENUF' by Ntozake Shange & watched the ORIGINAL production from 1980['s]....

It was GREAT! I feel as though you should DEFINITELY see it before goin to see the MODERNIZED Tyler Perry version....

It teaches you sooo MUCH about being a lady--the trails, the faults, the men back then, and possible reason WHY women view relationships/themselves/black men the way they do.

The ORIGINAL production had the women characters named as colors...ex, The Lady in Orange...The Lady in Red...etc.

I LOVE IT!! Can't wait to see the Modern version [& what they added into it or taken away from it...]

Here's a clip[s] from the Original:

MY MOST FAVORITE ONE--- "BEAU WILLY":

--"Beau Willy" was about a father who had returned back home after leaving to go fight in the Vietnam War. As you know, fighting in wars then caused terrible drug abuse & MENTAL problems. Alot of men returning home from war were OUT OF IT [mentally] experiencing & witnessing terrible things...Beaau Willy was 1 of those men...His drug of choice, Liquor. He became an alcoholic and turned his rage on the people who loved him the most...his family! He killed his two kids because he was upset that his 'girlfriend' knew he was TO intoxicated to hold his child....smh, CRAZY right?? Mixing Liquor and emotions turns you into a whole 'nother' person...

--xoxo Tash!

"I DON'T know what's better--getting PAID or getting LAID..I just know when I 'm getting one, the others getting Away..."

I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT SERIOUSLY THO, THIS SHIT IS ILL....

"Life's a Bi#ch when your destined for GREATNESS" -Diamond

--xoxo Tash!

....WELCOME BACK :)

--xoxo Tash!

&& in this MOMENT, i NEEDED this...

THANK YOU!

--xoxo Tash!

20 years of L I F E...

I woke up crying this morning..smh, [i have no clue why, must be the Gemini] I hate that!!

I've came to the realization that I have absolutely NO control over who comes into my life ( I LOVE those who are in my life now tho :) ) or their purpose for doing so...WHY??

I realized that everytime I invest SO much into something I really care about, something ALWAYS happens for me to think other wise...I've learned..I always 2nd guess & my instincts are NEVER wrong.

The THOUGHT of the UNKNOWN is the SCARIEST thing to me--maybe its because I would much rather know if my time is going to be wasted before an event occurs. I hate that we have to 'go through' dumb stuff to get smarter, Why cant we just be smart enough to NEVER get to the 'dumb stuff'? That would make life much easier.

WAIT! but if life were easy would we not be here? or Would we have skimmed through all this EXTRA unnecessary shit? hmmm...IDK! Just rambling.

I noticed that I complain alot, whine, pout, etc. when I don't get my way--No matter what it seems like I'm NEVER satisfied, I'm ungrateful at times--I tend to forget to say thank You for some things that i DON'T have to have...I'm a sore loser, I'm OVER protective, an OVER thinker, and Spoiled---BUT....on the contrary: I'm 20 years old, a daughter, NO kids, No miles, a GREAT friend, a Scholar, a hopeless romantic, a LADY.....Dedicated, I'm 13 classes away from graduating COLLEGE, Wonderful internship, and Closer to my dreams....NO, EVERYthing isn't PERFECT BUT there are times when us as individuals don't give ourselves enough credit---and as i sit here and think about it.....if anybody isn't, be proud of YOU!

I'M PROUD OF ME!! :)

--xoxo Tash!

Learn Something NEW everyday....

I have my thoughts....

YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK....

this is THEE craziest thing ever.....

it was DEF a set up!!!

[the 2nd video explained ALOT...]

--xoxo Tash!

:)

....LOVE is: Patient, Love is kind. It does NOT envy, it does NOT boast, it is NOT proud.

It is NOT rude, it is NOT self-seeking, it is NOT easily angered, it keeps NO record of wrongs. LOVE does NOT delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres.

LOVE NEVER FAILS!

[1 Corinthians 13:4-8]

--xoxo Tash!